Why Ask Why?

As an adult I hear this question time and time again when parents are responding to their children, "Why ask Why?" Mostly I hear it being said when a parent is busy doing something and doesn’t want to get into a conversation with their children at that moment. That got me thinking Why? 

As a parent I started to pay attention to this more because it jumped out at me. Why would a parent not want to explain something to their children? Why did it come so easy for people to say it to their children? Why is it so bad to give an explanation? 

Let's start with the Why do people especially children ask why?

Your child is experiencing life and its roadblocks, tasks and situations for the first time.  Simple right? No! As parents we're busy with work, cleaning, play dates, dinners, lunches and the list just goes on and on. When you finally get to a place in the day when your phone is ringing and you haven't talked to an adult in a week, your tired and your kid is on their 5th story about something that you're mindlessly listening to then ask Why? Your first reaction is to say "I don't know? ", "Don't ask why." Or my favorite "Go ask whoever else is in the house."

I get that parents have other things to do, and life can be overwhelming. You just want to come home and relax for a minute and just be. However, shouldn’t our goal be to encourage our children to ask the why of everything and allow us as parents to teach them the ways of the world in the way we want them to learn it?  

Which leads me to my next question. Why is it so easy to Not explain the why to your child? Many reasons... Your parents didn't, so why should you? Things are whatever they are. Your children will figure it out. Your boss never gives you an explanation so they should get used to it. 

All valid and logical reasons but sorry to tell you they may not be the correct ones. When your child asks why they are not just asking a simple question they are also starting a dialog with you. If you keep giving them a reason not to have that dialog in the long run it will be a lot harder when they are teenagers to get that dialog back. So, take advantage and nurture the dialog now.

We live in a society that's always busy.  We always have something going on. If it isn't housework or work itself, we have our phones that drive us to find other things to do. We don’t have time for our children why's. Right?

Few things to think about....

We love our children for a number of reasons, but one big reason is because they are incident, they don't know any better because they haven't learned the why yet. Your here to teach, encourage, love and build their confidence with life skills and character.  Just like you, your child finds the why just as important as the action itself.  

If your boss tells you to do something and you think it's ridiculous or going to get you in trouble you ask why. Same for kids only simpler. They never experience it before. You and your boss have, and you would get so frustrated as an adult if your boss told you "Just because." The next step for you as an adult would be to stop asking your boss question and quit the job. Your child can't quit you so they will just stop asking, which can lead to a communication breakdown, which is them ultimately quitting.  None of us want that. 

If you're like me, you want to give your child all the explanations under the sun but even for me I have a breaking point.  So, we came up with a phrase in our house to make questions stop when we've answered as much as we can. Try it! This helps so much. Don't use the word or phrase all the time but at times when needed. 

We as parents love our children and want to make them better than us in every way. That's why we need to allow them to have a voice, answer their questions and create the knowledge and attention they are seeking and need.  

My favorite part as a parent about my children asking why, is they are learning how to take on confrontation through conversation.  That to makes me happy as a mom because there is nothing better than knowing I've raised my children to stick up for themselves and others. By answering questions I'm allowing my community to have a strong individual that will do things the right way and with the knowledge that's needed to rise in our community. 

Remember to always choose to Inspire Your Child.  ✨️